Funny Images About Being an Idiot
My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.
Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are lost in the wilderness...
...and they become very excited when they come across tracks. As they are following the tracks, the three of them take a guess on what animal could have possibly left them.
"Obviously, it must have been a horse," said the Blonde.
"No no no, we're in the forest, it must have been a deer," said the Brunette.
"You're both idiots. Obviously it's a dog!" said the Redhead.
They debated until the train came and hit them.
A drunk at a bar
A drunk at a bar stands in the middle of the bar a says out loud: Everyone to my left are stupid, and everyone to my right are idiots!
A guy to the drunks left got mad and said to him: Wait a minute, I am not stupid okay! Drunk looks at him and says: Then move to the right side of the bar you idiot!
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, "You're all a bunch of idiots."
Two policemen are walking down the street in Soviet Russia...
...when they spot a guy standing next to the local Party Headquarters holding a paintbrush. On the wall, he's just written "The government is run by idiots!". The first policeman pulls out a pair of handcuffs and asks the second, "Shall we arrest him for vandalizing public property, or for divulging state secrets?".
One soldier
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
A Russian drunk in a streetcar
Another Russian joke. A drunk boards a streetcar, and says out loud:
"All the women to the left of me are idiots, and all the women to the right are whores."
A woman to the right stands up and says, "I've been married for 15 years, and I've always been faithful to my husband, so there."
"Then move to the left."
4 different views of a tunnel
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel.
REALIST: A train.
TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
Why does Batman wear a mask?
Because the citizens of Gotham aren't morons, like those idiots over in Metropolis
99.9% of people are idiots.
Fortunately, I belong to the 1% of intelligent people
Two drunk idiots are sitting on top of a building...
Staring at the moon, one of 'em says, "Give me your flashlight, I'll turn it on, aim it at the moon and then you go climb up to the moon using the beam."
"No! You idiot! What if you turn it off when I'm midway!"
(English, not my native language, apologies.)
You can explore idiots idiot reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean idiots people dad jokes. There are also idiots puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A restaurant manager gets offered a promotion...
After calling him into his office, the owner of the store tells the manager that he would like to give him the opportunity of being an owner of his own at a location in Canada. "Canada?", the manager says, "The only people in Canada are idiots or hockey players!" The owner becomes very serious, and says "My wife is from Canada." The manager quickly responds, "Oh what team does she play for?"
Two aliens are talking aboard their ship
Alien 1: Did the humans get our message?
Alien 2: Yes, but they named it dubstep and are dancing to it
Alien 1: Idiots
According to Cunningham's Law, the best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the right answer and wait for idiots to tell you you're wrong.
2 village idiots are walking...
...in the woods in December. They spend long hours there, seemingly looking at the trees. As time goes by, they argue more and more. Finally, at sunset, one tells the other:
"Look, I don't care if the next one doesn't have any decorations, we're taking it for Christmas!"
As a child I wanted to be a personal trainer but I ended up as a politician.
At least I still convince absolute idiots that change is being made.
Engineers
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, some idiots used a glass that's twice as big than necessary.
What did Dr.Dre say to Lil Wayne?
Nothing, you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in Eminem's basement!
Spotting Idiots Online
I wish there was some way to identify idiots online.
Sent from my iPhone
A teacher asks her 2nd grade class...
"Who's a Trump fan?"
Not wanting to look stupid for not knowing what that meant, they all raised their hands except for Johnny.
"And why aren't you a Trump fan?" she asked, used to Johnny always trying to be different.
"Because I'm a Sanders fan" he replied.
"And why are you a Sanders fan?"
"Because mommy and daddy are"
"And if mommy and daddy were idiots, what would that make you?" she asked
"A Trump fan"
Programmers today...
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots.
So far, the Universe is winning.
How to avoid clickbait. Rule 1: Don't click on this.
Rule 2: You are all hopeless idiots.
How do you start a conversation with a bunch of idiots?
HELLLOOOOO AMERICA!
A high school student approached a group of popular kids during lunch time.
"May I join you?" he asked politely.
"We don't sit with idiots." they said.
"But I do." he replied as he gestured them to scoot over.
Three blondes were...
Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!"
The third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!"
They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.
Some people look down on others because they have differing opinions.
Those kind of people are idiots though.
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel...
The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel
... and the engineer can see three idiots standing on the rails.
An optimist sees the light in the tunnel
An optimist sees the light in the tunnel.
A pessimist sees the darkness in the tunnel.
A realist sees the train in the tunnel and the conductor sees 3 idiots on the rails.
I hate when people confuse "you're" and "your"
There all idiots
Idiot Teacher
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
Some days, I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots.
Other days, I realize it's not just some days.
An idiot has a mirror in his closet
He wakes up one night and opens the closet and he sees himself. Scared, he quickly calls the cops
"Police! There's a burglar in my closet, come quickly!"
A police man arrives at the idiots house and opens the closet and finds the mirror. He takes a step back and slaps the idiot as hard as he can
"Why did you call me when you already had a policeman inside?!"
A woman is driving for the first time on a highway.
Her husband calls her while she is driving. "Be careful honey, it was just broadcasted that someone's driving the wrong way on the highway."
"Someone?" the wife replies. "These idiots are in hundreds!"
Three engineers are discussing God's engineering background.
The first one says, "God was clearly an electrical engineer. The human nervous system is a feat of electrical engineering genius!"
The second one says, "Absolutely not! He was a mechanical engineer. The way the muscles and bones interact are mechanically brilliant!"
The third one says, "Nope, you're both idiots. God was a civil engineer. Who else would run a sewage line right through a playground?"
Deep.
Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees light from incoming train.
Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track.
To all of you idiots out there that drive loud cars, we hate you and get off our roads.
We don't care how many heart attack victims you have to take to the hospital.
People who eat Tide Pods are idiots.
The Costco brand pods are half the price. Just saying.
Over the past people have criticized me for not being objective as a reporter,
Personally I think they're idiots.
If there are any idiots in the room, stand up...
...said the teacher.
After a while, one student stood up.
"Now then, why do you consider yourself an idiot?"
"Well, actually I don't" said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
A husband calls his wife
"Oh honey, there's someone driving on the wrong side of the highway. Please be careful. It's all over the news."
Wife replies, "Only one??? These idiots are in hundreds"
When I was about 5
On holiday with my parents, after a loooong day we finally go for dinner. We all ask for steaks. The waiter asks how we want them. Everyone else says for medium. With a surprising look I confidently ask the waiter for an extra large one! Idiots!!
OLD ROMANIAN JOKE ABOUT COMMIES
Why do policemen(considered idiots) walk in groups of 3?
One knows how to read, one knows how to write and the other one oversees the intellectuals.
Why they hire idiots in Russian military intelligence?
Well, they used to hire smart people, but those would go to Great Britain, capitulate and stay there to live.
I asked a high school teacher "What do you teach?" He said...
Idiots
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiots house.
Knock , knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Old Russian joke. Russia has 2 major problems: roads and idiots. One of them can be solved by a road roller...
But it's impossible to figure out what to do with roads.
Some idiots only write the word lockdown,
Because they can't spell kwarinteen
Ole and Sven grabbed their poles and headed out to do some ice fishing.
As they were augering a hole in the ice they heard a loud voice from above say, "There are no fish under the ice." Ole and Sven moved about 25 feet over and started to make another hole. The voice said a little stronger, "There are no fish under the ice." They both looked around and then looked up. Ole said in a humble voice, "Are you God?" The voice spoke back, "No ya idiots! I'm the ice rink attendant."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first one orders a beer. The second one orders a half a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer. The bartender says "you're all idiots" and pours two beers.
The math teacher in asks: "What is 2+2?"...
Melissa: "6"
Teacher: "Idiot! Sit down!"
Alex: "7"
Teacher: "Even stupider! Sit down too!"
At the back of the class, Karen, the only one shaking her hand in the air.
Teacher: "Ok, Karen. What is 2+2?"
Karen: "4"
Teacher: "Yes! Finally! Show the other idiots how you got your answer."
Karen: "Well, I subtracted 12 from 7"
What do you call a group of idiots?
A dim sum.
I'm scared of 5G
It will only allow idiots to spread their conspiracy theories faster.
After trick-or-treating on Halloween, a teen takes a shortcut through a cemetery.
Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man chipping away at a headstone. "I thought you were a ghost," says the relieved teen. "What are you doing working so late?" "Oh, those idiots," grumbles the old man. "They misspelled my name!"
Frank farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out.
He goes and sits outside the class and can't stop laughing. The principle walks by and sees him. He asks, Frank, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?"
I farted in class and the teacher threw me out. The principle asks him again, Well then, why are you laughing?
Because those idiots are sitting in the class smelling my fart while I'm outside in the fresh air."
A man goes in for hernia surgery
After the operation, the doctor meets him in the recovery room.
"Sir, the operation was successful but I have bad news. We accidentally removed your testicles during the surgery."
The man was immediately furious.
"You bastards! You dumb idiots! I'll kill you for this!"
The surgeon calmly replies "Now sir, you don't have the balls."
Not all people are bad
Some are idiots
A pessimist sees only the tunnel. An optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. A realist thinks the light is probably inside the tunnel.
A train driver sees three idiots standing in the middle of the track
How is a presidential debate like the show The View?
Both have a couple of idiots talking over each other and not making a point.
9/10 Redditors are idiots
I'm glad to be the 1%
Most people have heard the phrase "Great minds think alike"
What they don't know is what comes after
"Idiots seldom differ"
Two idiots are painting the roof of the barn...
Two idiots are painting the roof of the barn when it catches on fire. The only way down is to jump into the manure pile.
The first idiot says, I'll jump first and tell you how deep it is. He jumps, and a few seconds later the second idiot hears, it's only ankle deep!
The second idiot jumps and says, What on earth? I'm up to my neck!
And the first idiot says, Well you jumped feet first.
Totally sick of idiots letting fireworks off early, it's still October for goodness sake!!!
Dog is going mad and keeps knocking the Christmas tree over!
Three pilots are talking in an airport terminal
I'm so good at flying says the first one That I can come within 15 meters of the ground and not crash
Oh yeah? Asks the second one Well I'm so good at flying, I can come within 10 meters of the ground and not crash.
Then the third pilot looks at them both and says
You idiots land planes everyday
All the rich idiots in my town drive BMWs.
It's the only foreign car they can spell.
A group of soldiers stood in formation at an army base.
The drill sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out!"
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The drill instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow.
The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
A pessimist, optimist, and realist are standing in a tunnel.
The pessimist thinks about the darkness surrounding them. The optimist thinks about the light they will reach at the end. The realist thinks about freight trains that might be near.
And the train conductor thinks about what might happen if these 3 idiots don't move
The head is on the wrong end of this nail.
A carpenter was putting siding on a house. He'd reach in his pouch pull out a nail and drive it, then he'd pull out a nail and toss it over his shoulder, he continued, sometimes driving the nail and sometimes tossing it.
His partner asked, "Why are you throwing away some of your nails", the first guy says, "The idiots that made them put the head on the wrong end".
His partner said, "You're the idiot, those nails are for the other side of the house"
The best Knock Knock joke
Me- "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Dad- "Why"
Me- "To get to the idiots house BAHAHA"
Dad- "That's stupid"
Me- "Fine this one is better, Knock Knock"
Dad- "Who's there"
Me- "The chicken :)"
How many idiots does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three; one to hold the bulb and two to turn the chair
A pessimist sees a dark tunnel. An optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. A realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees 3 idiots standing in the way of his train.
Everyone is posting photos of people from the 1910's wearing masks to protect themselves from the Spanish flu to try and convince people to wear masks now...
Idiots. If masks work, then why are all those people in the pictures dead?
You're not supposed to make joke about a group of people unless you're part of it
If you're black you can make black jokes, if you're gay you can make gay jokes, if you're Muslim you can make Muslim jokes, etc...
So anyways two idiots walk into a bar....
There was a slightly long bridge, wide enough for only one car and one day, two cars tried to cross over from opposite directions and met at the middle of the bridge, obviously unable to get past the other......
One driver poked his head out of his window and yelled - "I don't make way for idiots!"
The second guy rolled his window down and yelled back - "I do!" and backed up his car...
Fool: Why do ducks walk like idiots?
Wiseman: Why do idiots walk like ducks?
I tried to find an anagram for "napping idiots."
The result was disappointing.
A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel
An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel
A REALIST sees a freight train
The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, Why the long face?
The horse says, Because idiots keep eating up my dewormer medicine.
I get annoyed when people say that us programmers have a superiority complex.
It's not a complex, you idiots
The Pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
The Optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.
The Realist sees the approaching freight train.
The Train Driver sees 3 idiots about to get run over...
An old joke in my native language.
In a country, all the idiots lived together in a big town. One day, their leader dies. He had two children. Both of them were eligible to be the leader. They were quite confused who should be their leader. So, they visit a saint for advice.
The saint says: "Whoever will answer my question correctly will be the king of idiots..
..and the question is: **If a rooster sits on a tower, and lays an egg, in which direction will the egg fall?**"
"Honey, be careful while driving on the highway" I told my wife on call...
"The news says that a there's a person speeding on the wrong side of the highway"
"One person!?" She replied, incredulously,
"These idiots are in hundreds"
What do you call a castle of idiots?
A kingdumb
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Source: https://jokojokes.com/idiots-jokes.html
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